The fundamental elements: earth, wind, fire, and water. Of these elements I am drawn to water; always have been. Perhaps it has something to do with the fishing trips I would take with my grandpa or the countless hours I spent in my grandparent’s swimming pool. If you are given to such things, it could be because I am Pisces. The better half of my life is past and looking back, I can honestly say I was born of water.
“You didn’t come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are not a stranger here.” – Alan Watts
I went to see Top Gun: Maverick recently. In my opinion it was worth the wait. As I began to recline in the leather theater seat, the opening scene and music were of the familiar opening scene of Top Gun some 30 plus years ago. Don’t worry, there are no spoilers here. However, my heart and my mind were taken back; back to my first time on an aircraft carrier.
Having spent almost a year and half in training, I was the worst kind of newbie. I was a non-commissioned officer (E-4) before ever stepping foot on a Navy vessel. They called us “Rent-a-crows” because for the quick advancement we gave them extra time on the enlistment. It was not a term of endearment. Already feeling self-conscious, my first cruise was one that would eventually break me.
I remember one day after working “midnights” that I went for a walk towards the fan tail. This is the very back of the boat. There were times when some sailors would actually fish of the back of this carrier. Today was not one of those days. I recall stepping out as far as I could almost like that Titanic scene except backwards, arms to my side, and no Kate Winslet. I stepped out as far as I could until everything in my eyesight and my peripheral vision was blue water. Suddenly I had a sick feeling in my stomach, and I backed away. No, I was NOT scared of falling.
As I stood there looking out over the ocean a new and strange thought had come to mind. I will try and explain. It was as if I came to realize my own existence. Once everything in my world vanished from my sight, I was alone. I was alone in the middle of this vast sea and what was I doing here? Its not a question of what was I doing in the Navy, but what was I doing on this planet? It scared me deeply. From that point on there was no amount of alcohol, sex, or rowdy behavior that could make me forget that feeling and that fear.
No doubt, I tried really hard to drowned out the image, but it kept coming back, it haunted my nights and my days. We were in the middle of Desert Storm, and I didn’t fear for my life as much as I was scared of being alone in the middle of the ocean by myself.
Swimming was never an issue for me. I loved to swim and have always been a strong swimmer. I could have been out in the middle of the desert and had the same experience, but it was from water that my new existence was born. I started to think of my life, where I was going, what I was doing. What was my purpose on earth? Surely, it cannot be to just to bob and weave throughout the world being tossed about by every wave and gust of wind. There had to more than working 12 hours a day and partying every weekend; waking up in places I had no idea how I got there.
After a several year journey to find fulfillment, I found Jesus. I found him in a magical way that defies the natural and lets me know that He sought me out. He chased after me and I am forever grateful. Imagine what it must have felt like when I found this scripture:
21 Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
22 And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare his works with rejoicing.
23 They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters;
24 These see the works of the Lord, and his wonders in the deep.
25 For he commandeth, and raiseth the stormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof.
26 They mount up to the heaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted because of trouble.
27 They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wit's end.
28 Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses.
29 He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still.
30 Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven. – Psalms 107:21-30
Not many people can have a scripture that so clearly articulates their beginning steps towards the Lord. I am forever grateful.
And so, it is from there that my journey began, and I would go on and be born of the Holy Ghost and Fire a few years later. Having been baptized in Jesus’ name and filled with His Spirit I can honestly say I was born of the water and the Spirit. However, the water still beckons me. I am at home on the water and by its shores I find peace.
Of the four elements water is the second in weight and the second in respect of mobility. It is never at rest until it unites with the sea. – Leonardo Di Vinci
Top Gun: Maverick brings the story of Maverick full circle and brings me back to the ocean once again. I am brought back to where it all began for me; the deafening sound of an FA/18 afterburner upon take off, the smell of JP5 fuel in the air and on every surface, and the never-ending expanse of the sea around me. I miss those days; not because they were cool but because that is where I was born. I was born of the water, the spirit guides me, and I was made for this time in history. One day, when my journey is over, I will return to the sea. I hope to see my Savior there on the shores waiting for me; no longer chasing me…just waiting for me to catch up. We will never rest until we are united once again.
Biernutz_71
7/10/2022
“I would rather die with Christ and hope in my heart and be called a fool than to stand over the corpse of the dead republic and say I told you so.”
Thank you for sharing (Felix?) I love personal stories.
God bless you more and more
Love that Biernutz!! Always uplifting to hear a brother’s journey! Thanks friend!